She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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