This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
