WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
