Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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