You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Soap is not a condiment
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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