you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
