No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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