apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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