I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
