Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
