i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
