does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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