when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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