if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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