I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
