One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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