At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
