Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
