There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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