I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
