But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
it hurts more in the daytime
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
