Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize