i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
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