Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
