The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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