There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
