Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
