nut hugger
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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