you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
