the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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