Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
