It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
