I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Fuck appropriateness.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
