96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
