dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
