I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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