I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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