It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There are leaves in my underwear?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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