FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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