I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
