he puts the penis in happiness.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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