I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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