The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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