so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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