my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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