I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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