something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
