my phone needs a breathalizer
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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