My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
