So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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