I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
