This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize