Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
