I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
do herpes really smell.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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