Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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