I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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