Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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