Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
