awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
