It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
