You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
