Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
