Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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