I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
