You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
