We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
