So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
