Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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