I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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