with your own penis?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
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I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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