did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
