your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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