so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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